Shadowpark's Xanga

spring (from my private journal)

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 11:22:57 GMT

I feel like rain
the soft drop
and rolling clamour
thunder in the distance
mist is clouding lightning
so quiet here
you can just drop the ambience
and fall to silence
and watch
as the water hugs the stones
at your toes
and loves you with a chill
all it asks for are your tears
just a little push
a little help
so it can see you again sometime.

spring (from my private journal)

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 11:22:43 GMT

fuck grammar.

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 10:12:09 GMT

I want to fail,
no time to bother.
Stop trying,
because i wont try harder
maybe i want to be asked whats wrong with me?
why not do it and get it overwith
even though its easy
i feel like being lazy
theres nothing left but too many maybes
seeking shelter on a night like this
hiding in the shadows
completely motionless
i feel derpived and betrayed sideways
its not my fault but it still is somehow
so dont even try
i wont try harder
feel like failing so i wont even bother
to tell you the truth
of how i felt
you're happy somewhere and all i want to do is melt.

Jade necklace with razor blades

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 13:41:23 GMT

Why do this to yourself?
Cant you see im just fine?
Time ticking away,
on a clock thats not mine.
Holding closer your hips,
as i hang on your lips.
Nothing for you today,
holding tighter my hand,
but i meant it anyway.
We'll get through this alright,
nothin left to forget,
nothing left to fight (about).
But why do this to yourself?
Cant you see im just fine?
Nothing left here to hurt,
nothing left to make wrong.
And im feeling alright,
even though im still sad,
that im mising you now,
Counting weekends and days.
you're one i dont want to get over.

Tripping on the music (not edited yet)

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 15:10:55 GMT

Experienceing something new,
she said id be a club boy,
and she was right.
Flowwing through me like solid mist,
bashing against me harder than a river
vibration at the drums
steady
steady now
heart beat
drumline
so fast
not faster enough
next song
faster
and faster
until it all blurrs into one solid tone
so slow yet laming not one bit
its like making love to music
it holds you in while all you want is speed
and it gives it to you
i am paris,
i am the pradu republic
i am the PRC
i am america
i am canada
i am england
i am circum navigation
on a cheeba pet
race me if you want.

Rosemary Valentine.

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 22:53:17 GMT

It takes all kinds,
blink your eyes at the colors.
Feel what you wanted,
and put youself to shame.
But dont you worry,
theres nothing left to shatter,
i lost everything years ago,
nothing left in this heart that really matters.
Lose emotion and be what you really are,
sex crazed animal,
procreative CNN.
Count them down like toys in a matchbox,
flick your fingers,
as they fall to their knees.
But i dont want that,
even though i could have,
in the loop i ran from years ago.
Geting too close now,
treading on the edges,
two more steps and you hit me down again.
Dont let it become a part of me,
dont feed me drama,
because im not acting,
and i know what im feeling.
Fingertips cold.
Anticipating.
Something.
I dont know what for but im waiting.

Over and over.
And my eyes get bloodshot,
reading the pages three times under.
Why am i feeling like this?
As if a part of me is missing.
This cant be real,
its too familiar.
Ive been here once but have i gotten any nearer?

Its taking everyone,
one after the other.
Bringing them down with me,
melting as the tv burns.
I see the bottom,
not so far now.
I feel the wind rush,
faster and colder.
I hear them sobbing,
fearing the end with me.
But they found me i didnt ask for them to follow!

Shiver in a corner.
Finger tips.
On my face.
What am i feeling?
Dieing in a coma,
darkest nightmare,
losing light and faster now.
Bloodshot bleeding,
blink your eyes with the colors.
Sex crazed animal,
and two familiar shadows,
Sitting in the waiting room,
Its not to bad now,
feeling somewhat better.
But i just sit there,
wonder if he will ever be the same again.
Clockwork heartbeat,
losing track of hours.
Bluring my existance.
Time dosent really matter.

Black.

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 01:09:05 GMT

Breakdown at sundown.
Eardrums cant take the pressure.
Rock it.
Left.
Left.
Let it take over.
Heart beats faster, and faster.
As you lose controll.
Euphoric accept your fate.
Crash collision at 600mph
face as calm as a hindu cow.
Twitch.
Twitch.
Understand it when you say it.
Watch the world through your own mouth.
Hunger for knowledge with your own pulse.
Understand yourself,
but dont obey what you beleive in.
Race it, race it.
Theres no saftey net this time.
These drugs are all too close.
And you thought it was such a sleepy town.
Wait until midnight.
See the nightlife.
Nothing like a party at 5AM.
Breathe it deeper.
Hold it in.
Free your mind.